Screen Machine

Feature: MIFF Diary, Day 1: Drinking games, anticipation

Here we are at the start of another Melbourne International Film Festival and isn’t it exciting? No, it’s terrifying! At least for me it is, because I’ve decided to participate in this new MIFF initiative, the “60 Films in 17 Days Blog-A-Thon” in which I will watch a mind-melting 60 films during the course of the festival and be expected to process that experience into actual thoughts and then write something semi-coherent and useful about it to publish in this exciting new media format called Myspace or something.

So what is usually one of my favourite times of the year is starting to sound like a lot of hard work! That’s true of a lot of things in life though. (I love Christmas and that’s no walk in the park either.) But what’s equally true is that alcohol helps the medicine go down, which is why I present to you the official Screen Machine Drinking Game for the Melbourne International Film Festival which, if you’re over-indulging in cinematic madness like me, will hopefully mellow you out throughout the whole blurriness of these next seventeen days. How do you play? It’s easy! Simply sneak your poison of choice into the movie theatre and carry it in a paper bag around the streets of Melbourne and take a swig when the following occurs:

• Someone’s mobile phone goes off inside the cinema.
• Someone makes an arbitrary comparison between two directors reminiscent of how one might arbitrarily compare choc-tops and popcorn.
• It’s a slow art house movie and former artistic director of MIFF Richard Moore walks out halfway.
• You’re queueing up for the cinema out in the cold and an old person cuts in front of you.
• You hear someone say “Oh David!”
• A film’s character has an existential crisis and looks meaningfully at themselves in a mirror.
• Someone says “mise en scène”.
• New artistic director of MIFF Michelle Carey says the title of a French film with perfect pronunciation.
• A film finishes, the audience applauds to no-one, and it’s awkward.
• After a film, you hear an audience member give the film a star-rating.
• Someone calls Lars von Trier a Nazi.
• Someone calls Jean-Luc Godard a Nazi.
• You hear someone say “Oh David!” in a toilet cubicle.
• You have an existential crisis and look at yourself meaningfully in a mirror.

More rules welcome below in the comments. And if you’re still deciding on films to go to, my anticipations and recommendations for MIFF are posted at Screen Machine’s tumblr blog here. Keep on watching this space. Welcome to the long night.

Brad Nguyen is a co-editor of Screen Machine. He studied Cinema Studies at the University of Melbourne, was the film reviewer for Triple R Breakfasters and has written for Senses of Cinema.

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